You might not actually know what you are doing as a Film Director. Heck, everyone is a director these days. It’s extremely important to look smarter, appear to be a great leader and seem more artistically gifted than everyone else on set because you are THE DIRECTOR. Here are 10 sure ways to look like an awesome Film Director.
- After a scene, cross your arms, put a relaxed fist under your chin and pause for a really long awkward amount of time. People will immediately think you are brilliant and in deep thought, waiting for you to give a mind-blowing critique to the actors.
- Talk with your hands. A lot. If someone happens to snap a picture of you, it’ll always look like you’re passionately talking about something you know tons about – even if you’re just making small talk with someone about their dog.
- Before the shot is almost ready to go, holler in an authoritative voice, “DOES ANYBODY NEED TIME?!” Everyone will think that their job matters and that you are always on top of your shoot schedule.
- After yelling “Cut!” look around pensively. Pick someone at random and ask them what they think. In the iconic words of the Rock, “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!” (Don’t repeat that.) But when doing this, everyone else will stay on their toes, paying close attention just in case they get called too. Instant productivity!
- Constantly look through the camera like you know what you are looking at. Make sure to squint. Good directors squint often.
- Wear a blank baseball cap. Even if you don’t like caps, wear a hat like Ron Howard or Steven Spielberg. It makes you look cool. It’s also easier to look through a viewfinder in the sun, if you like to be close to the camera like la Quentin Tarantino. Most importantly, gents, it hides your alopecia (male balding pattern).
- Whenever possible, drop a name of an obscure French film or director no one has ever heard of so it sounds like you’re worldly and understand French cinema. If you don’t know any, make up a French name, like Jean-Luc Picard renowned director of Le Petit Croissant du Poisson, and hope no one uses Google Translate on set.
- Meet and greet everyone, look them in the eye and shake everyone’s hand. Otherwise, they’ll talk about you behind your back when crafty gets low or lunch is late.
- Pick up stuff. Anything! People need to see you will work as hard as the PAs or grips. It gets people thinking, “Ooh, why is HE doing that? Maybe I should do something.” Then, someone notices you and says, “Let the ___ do that, we need you over here Mr. or Ms. Director.” Give whatever you got to someone standing there like a bump on the log. Boom! Delegation! Son!
- Lastly, always have a green smoothie in your hand, even if you don’t drink green smoothies. You don’t have to drink it (because let’s face it, most of them are disgusting). This will make you look like you’re so invested in your work and don’t have time for a full meal but care about your health so you drink (disgusting) green smoothies.
*Just for fun, make the Prop Master move three things before every scene. Five minutes later, ask the Script Supervisor what’s changed. It’s like a huge game of I Spy.